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70 of the Best, er, Worst Dad Jokes Ever

  • I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.

  • I wouldn’t buy anything with Velcro.
    It’s a total rip-off.

  • If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

  • If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?

  • I’m on a seafood diet.
    I see food and I eat it.

  • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
    It’s impossible to put down!

  • I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!